The Worst Time Is Now
by NunyaNo
Summary: And Ian hated himself as hurt and confusion shown in Anthony's eyes. But he swallowed the apology before it could leave his mouth. The whole point was to get over Anthony, not hurt him... But truthfully, it wasn't about Anthony anymore. (Ianthony) (On Hiatus)
1. Defeat

**A/N- Sorry this is scattered, I had an idea, liked it, and very badly wrote it. I hope you guys like it!**

**-Disclaimer- I do not own.**

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Ian wasn't going to lie and say he didn't love his best friend... Because he did.

His parents had just got divorced, and him and his mom moved to California. He had always been a shy kid, always filled with questions, but always scared to ask them.

And... it just happened. He locked eyes with brown eyes, and his heart started fluttering. He blushed, he talked, and he formed a crush. He found himself doing stupid shit just to get those eyes on him, he would even forget to bring paper, pencils, even lunch money. Anything, any reason just to talk to him. Suddenly he wasn't that shy, scared kid anymore.

He found himself doing the stupidest things, just from a little bit of information. When he had found out that Anthony was part Filipino, he started studding Spanish, only to a week later to find out that Anthony himself didn't speak Spanish. (He kept studding, because Anthony parents spoke it)

But it wasn't really till 8th grade that they became friends. Ian started bumming rides, even joined track, just so he had an excuse for missing the bus.

And now looking back, Ian wanted to sigh, he had spent the last ten years, head over heels in love with his best friend. And Ian still couldn't even come out and just confess his sexuality.

But then he did sigh, either way, he could never have Anthony, even if he came clean. And with what they did, Smosh, that took a lot of trust. A lot of 'Hey I just grabbed your nipple, no homo' trust.

And it seemed everyone but Anthony seemed to know as well. Anthony mom's called him 'Son' or more jokingly 'Anthony's better half'. She would even tell Anthony that he needed to find a girl like Ian... And it fucking hurt.

The only time they actually touched, is if a script called for it... Even if Anthony didn't act like it on video, he was actually a pretty big homophobe. There was no hugs given when Ian was sad, not even a light touch on his shoulder as comfort. Just kind words and a smile.

And that's what Ian found himself doing right then, crying. Because ... after all the years, after all the heart break and hurt... He couldn't find an ounce of self respect for himself anymore. Anthony and Kalel were in the next room, having sex... and all he could do is cry.

All those years... he had taken care of Anthony, made sure Anthony made the right choices, stayed away from drugs, Ian even spent most of his high school years tutoring Anthony so he wouldn't fail, while Ian's own grades slipped.

So Ian wiped his eye's, and left the house, left Anthony with his perfect girlfriend, with his perfect life, and he just drove.

For the first time in years, Ian just let go of Anthony. He drove to a bar in the next city, got drunk, got groped, and woke up in his car the next morning with a hangover.

When Ian got home, Anthony nor Kalel were to be seen, only 7 missed calls, and 34 text messages, only which 3 were from Anthony. And Ian sighed again when he realized that GameBang was supposed to be shot today, but quite frankly, didn't give a shit.

The other messages were just from random strangers he apparently handed his number out to yesterday, most were 'Is this Ian's real number?' while others were 'I had a real good night'.

However one surprised him 'I put the video up on youtube' and a link, and when he clicked it, all he could do was laugh. It was poor quality and the only thing you could really see was flashing strobes, and a shitless Ian downing an entire bottle of Goldschlager while people cheered him on. Then the thing that made it so funny is the local band that was playing started to sing "Uh yea, grab a dick, grab a dick," by the end of the video, Ian was on stage with the Band, doing his 'grab a dick' hand motion.

And the comments were just as funny ranging from "Ian is way funnier then I thought!" to "No way this is real!" to even "I wish Ian would grab my dick" and he hated to say it, but he downloaded the video and actually uploaded it to Smosh with the title "I'm Still Alive!" And with an intro of the current him, still shirtless, hungover as fuck saying "I have no recollection of this, but I had fun hanging with all of you!"

And the hour that followed he got comments from "No way!" to more links and which lead him to even more videos and pictures of him.

The one video that surprised him the most would have to be... they one where he's completely wasted, and ... getting a pony back ride from one of Bouncers. His shirt was still missing, and he was covered with permit marker with phone numbers, to even the words 'Property of Anthony' in large writing on his chest.

And there was a mother fucking shit eating grin on his face as he wrote his phone number on some teenager's tits. To an even wider smile as someone, a women mid 30's took body shots off him, then to a wide eyed look as a man, who couldn't be but a few years younger then Ian himself, squeezed lemon juice into his belly button, and put salt over his nipples and took shots off Ian that way.

So... Apparently while drunk his Homo started showing. And as much as he wanted to delete the videos, he enjoyed them. No one really had anything bad to say about any of the videos or pictures, just that he was funny, and... shorter in person.

By then, his hangover progressed, so he finally took some pills and started a shower.

And all he could do was shake his head while as he tried to get all the writing and pictures off his chest. By the time he got out Anthony and Kalel had just walked through the door.

A small smile, "Hey Ant, sorry I didn't make it to GameBang,"

A grin in return, "Not much happened anyways, just played some Mario, which Mari lost, and had to prank call your mom." And Ian watched as Anthony's mouth stretched into an even wider smile.

"Cool" he agreed, as he watched as Anthony pulled out his phone and started scrolling on it.

"Hey man, I keep getting notification from Youtube, did you post a video recently of something?"

A shit eating grin appeared on his face then "Yea, want to watch it with me? I didn't really get to enjoy it earlier" And with that Ian followed Anthony and Kalel into Anthony's old room, where Anthony started up the computer.

"What's the video about?"

And the only words he could think of to describe it was "Sleep deprivation" And the icon picture seemed to describe it. And as Anthony clicked the icon the only thing that loaded was a frowning Ian, a very large red permit marker circle around his left eye, and a red dick on his each of his cheeks.

And then it loaded, Ian didn't even watch the video, he watched Anthony's face closely. A brow lift at Ian expiation "I have no recollection of this" a wide look at Ian chugging the alcohol, to a grin as he heard the song play, then to full out laughing as Ian got on stage. And that's when Ian left.

-.

When he woke again, it was about 7 at night, his neck still hurt and his pillow was covered in drool. He groaned as he got up, his head felt heavy and his mouth was so dry to the point his tongue felt like it was stuck to the roof of his mouth.

Ian groaned again as he made his way to the kitchen, even gave a small wave to Anthony who was watching a movie on the couch. He only stopped when he got to the fridge, only to open it, and start chugging a bottle of water, then a second.

"You look like shit" And he groaned at that as well.

"And I thought you didn't live here anymore?" He question as he sat down.

"Hey, I had to make sure my best buddy was ok," A small smile "I'm not too fond of this movie, want to play some Halo?" And then it was Ian's turn to smile.

-.

Both him and Anthony paused their game as music seemed to bounce around the house "_He like it when I make this ass vibrate, Twerk, Bend it over make make thing shake, twerk, He like it when I make this ass vibrate, Twerk, Bend it over make make this thing Shake_" (**1)**

Silence "Dude, I think that's your phone" and Ian followed Anthony's eyes, and there on the table, was the source of the noise, his cell phone.

He didn't even think about it, he just picked it up, "Hello?"

In response a bunch of screaming answered him in return, then a smooth male voice answered. "Is this Ian?" At this, he was intrigued, but found a smile making his way to his face. So far, this was the first person brave enough to actually call him.

"Yes this is," A pause "Can I ask what this call is about?"

A small chuckle in return "Just wondering if you wanted to come chill at a party?" Honey just seemed to drip off the mans tongue as he spoke "We have Goldschlager..."

His eyes found Anthony's as he mouthed the word 'Party?' to him. Anthony in return just rolled his eyes and shook his head and unpaused the game.

A laugh made it past Ian's mouth "I'm not actually one for Goldschlager, but if you have any beer I'm in." On the phone more screaming seemed to take place, while Anthony's eyes seemed to burn into the back of his head. "Send me the address, and I'll leave in about five, is that ok?" Another laugh, then nothing.

So Ian hung up as well. Then, avoided Anthony's eyes as he made his way to his room, which really didn't work as Anthony followed him.

"Dude, you're still hung over from yesterday, plus, I don't want to go to a party."

And the words burned as they made their way past his lips "Anthony, just because I'm going to the party doesn't mean you have to as well," his throat tighten "Plus, you should probably go back home to Kalel, it's already 9, man."

And Ian hated himself as hurt and confusion shown in Anthony's eyes. But he swallowed the apology before it could leave his mouth. The whole point was to get over Anthony, not hurt him... But truthfully, not many friends had the same trust, and the same bond that they had... And that bond, his attraction, he needed it gone. And as much as he hated that look in Anthony's eyes... had they had a normal relationship, that look wouldn't have been there in the first place.

Most of his life he spent taking care of Anthony, making sure Anthony smiled, making sure Anthony laughed, making sure Anthony felt comfortable as Anthony... But in turn, Ian just kept getting hurt. And as much as he knew Anthony was hurt by his words, Ian was just so tired of feeling the hurt himself.

So he forced a laugh from his mouth, "Can you please shut everything down before you leave?" then proceeded to grab his wallet and... he left for the second time.

The drive to the party was awful, all he wanted to do was turn his car around and go back to Anthony, he wanted to pull Anthony into his arms are do nothing more then to apologize for everything he said, for anything that had ever made Anthony sad. But he didn't. It wasn't about Anthony anymore.

So when he got to the party, he smiled, he sang, he even signed autographs, but most of all, he drank, he forgot.

-.-.

**Seems pretty bad, but this will be a Ianthony story, just going to take like 20,00 words, (And DRAMA, TONS OF DRAMA)**

**1- Twerk by Lady (Watch Ian's bored 5,)**


	2. Self Loathing

_**A/N-** Sorry, I apparently forgot to post this first part, to the first chapter... _**TT_TT**_ Sorry about that. Its another scattered chapter... _

_**DISCLAIMER**- I do not own Smosh. _

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Ian was having a horrible time, he had already drank about 5 beers, but all he was only slightly tipsy. And every time he saw someone with brown eyes, he pictured Anthony's hurt eyes staring back at him... And he regretted it, but after spending two hours at the party, he left.

He had gotten more phone numbers, and he had gotten invites from both women and men to have sex, but he passed them up, laughing at it like it was a joke. And truthfully he wanted to take some of them up on their often, but he didn't want it to blow up in his face, in Smosh's face.

It was safe to say that when he got home and making sure Anthony had left, he spent the rest of the night using his right hand to release all his pent up stress and anger.

-.

Luckily the next day he didn't hear from Anthony, Ian's regret from yesterday had somehow turned into anger, and he wasn't sure he would be able to stand said man. After two days of trying to drink the pain away, he just wanted one day to just think... To do stupid things without regret... With out wondering what Anthony would think.

And after posting a short message to the fans about changing his number, Ian left. He wanted as little as possible to do with that house... With anything that reminded him of Anthony.

He felt stupid... He really did, but Ian felt as if he had just turned 21 for the first time. And he couldn't help but think about all the things he had wanted to do while younger, but didn't because he didn't want to give Anthony a bad example.

Which was why Ian was now standing awkwardly inside a tattoo parlor, while he waited to get an estimate. There was only two tattoo's he had ever wanted, one was the Smosh logo, which he wouldn't feel right about getting alone, and the other... The cute little 'One Up' mushroom from Mario. Any guesses as to where he wanted it?

And Ian didn't regret his decision as a big burly man shaved his happy trail, and asked him to pull his pants lower on his hips. Ian however almost regretted it, when the pain hit and his enthusiasm wore out. But even paying for the expensive tattoo, Ian didn't regret it.

It was stupid and childish, but Ian had always been a little bit of a masochist, which was probably another reason why he had stayed devoted to Anthony. The only man who knew just the right ways to tick him off, then only to make Ian feel stupid about getting upset over something Anthony saw as unimportant.

And Ian couldn't help but winch at one of the memories that almost broke their friendship. They had been about 17 at the time, and a movie Ian had really wanted to watch had just came out, and he remembered how surprised he had been when Anthony asked him to go watch the movie with him, all he needed was a ride. (Anthony wasn't allowed to use his car after 7)

And Ian had stupidly agreed. After his mom had dropped them off at the theater, Ian remembered feeling confused as Anthony had started walking to the gas station across the street... At the time Ian thought they were just going to get something to snack on for the movies... But no...

Ian could remember how bad his chest fucking hurt as Anthony walked up to a group of people Ian recognized from school... And his heart stopped in his chest as Anthony had took a puff of a cigarette that was handed to him. And then the numb feeling as he realized that Anthony didn't even cough as he smoked...

He remembered just standing like three feet away from Anthony, but Anthony seemed to be in a different world. He remembered as the shock passed... And the hurt kicked in... All he did was take one last look at Anthony before marching his way back to the theater. He remembered as he stood in line ordering a ticket... Only to realize that Anthony was standing in line next to him, paying for the tickets.

The movie was a blur... He remembered the whole time only being able to focus on the smell of smoke. He remembered suddenly just getting up and going to the bathroom where he called his mom and got her to pick him up. He left Anthony there. Alone. And he remembered the next day not being able to look at Anthony in the eyes as said man yelled at Ian for being ditching. At that time they had already been friends for 5 years... Yet it seemed Anthony still didn't know him.

And Ian's hands clutched the steering wheel as he passed that same gas station. Even as his chest pounded in his heart, Ian parked the car. He needed to get on with his life... He knew... He really did. And that meant he had to remind himself that Anthony wasn't as perfect as everyone seemed to believe.

His whole body was tense as he walked into the store, and his voice broke more then one while he requested a pack of cheapest cigarettes, then getting a second pack as well. And his face burned in shame as he made his way back to the car. But he couldn't seem to care. All he could feel was the same hurt he felt as he watched Anthony puff on a cigarette.

And that thought alone was enough to stress Ian enough to pull his car over into a fast food parking lot. And with stuff fingers pushing in his cars lighter. And with stiff hands opening the pack with clumsy hands.

At first he chocked, then a second time, even a third... But he didn't stop till he was smoking just as flawlessly as Anthony had. It took him till about his third cigarette before he was actually able to hold the smoke in his lungs.

When he got home... Home... the first thing he did was take off his shirt and stare at his new tattoo, and even as his eyes felt heavy and drained, and his face felt frozen, a small smile made it to his face. The tattoo was bright against his pale skin, and it looked perfect as it rested just slightly above his pants, just a few inches below his bellybutton. The tattoo was pretty small, about two inches, but it was enough to see the humor in it. Even with the small writting '1 Up!' under it.

It brought a smile to his face. It was slightly childish, but then again, it was on a guy who got paid by acting stupid and hanging out with his friends. It wasn't too bad. It was pretty much the equation of a Tramp Stamp.

Taking one last look at it, he smiled before picking up his razor and finished shaving the rest of stomach, then his chest. Then added the lotion like medicine to the tattoo, before heading to his room, getting changed to his sleep wear... then going to a sleep.

-.

_**A/N**- If you guys like, and would see more, please review, I would love to know what you guys think about it! _


	3. masochist

_**A/N-** I have like 6,000 words total...(**Before this chapter- 6,782 words**. )I hope to get to 10,000 by the end of the week. Wish me Luck!_

_**DISCLAIMER**- I do not own Smosh. _

* * *

The next day Ian wasn't so lucky, he had at least two days of filming ahead of him, then another few days to spend editing the video. It was only 4 in the morning, but his heart was pounding in his rib cage, everyone would start to show up at 10... But Ian couldn't get back to sleep.

It was too soon. Even with him constantly thinking of all the hurtful things Anthony did over the years... Ian still yearned for him. And he was pretty sure with just one touch from said man, that Ian would break down.

Trying to look at anything other then admiration was hard... Especially after doing it for 10 years.

So with a deep breath he got up out of bed, didn't even bother getting changed, just made his way to his computer as opened the script that was for today's shooting. And as Ian read it, he couldn't help but winch at all the gay jokes and ... touching there would be.

The skit was about him as 'Billy' being bullied, of course by Anthony, and just say it involved him being slammed into a wall. Then the main part... Billy getting the girl, yet again Anthony as Antoinette. Then somehow... Dancing? And Ian closed his eyes as he tried to think about changing the script...

It wouldn't be all too hard, first off both him and Anthony didn't really like the idea, but it was a last ditch idea...

After about 10 minutes, Ian got bored... And his heart was still pounding in his chest. So he decided to do something he hadn't done in awhile... Jog. It was one of the few things that was able to relax him.

He quickly got changed, looked at his new tattoo, then as he seemed to being too often, he left the house.

It was still dark out, but Ian didn't really have a problem with that as he picked his feet up and started off slow. It really had been years since he had jogged. At least for real. And Ian let his mind shut off as he focused on the air rushing past him, let his worry's, let his doubts, just let everything leave his body... And just relaxed into the rhythm of his feet pounding into the ground below him.

Just relaxed as his body ran, ran from everything. Even as his legs burned as his lungs constricted in his chest, he pushed his self further. He kept running till the sun was already in the sky, he kept running till his legs almost collapsed underneath him.

Only then did he stop and relax, only then was his mind clean. Ian took deep even breathes as he thought about what to do about the script...

And without a second of hesitance, he pulled out his new cell phone (Which he winched at when he remembered he didn't give Anthony his new number) and typed out _'I can't help but feel like this new script is half assed, want to come over and help me think of a better idea?'_

Ian sighed as he took a look around, and then relaxed when he realized he had been running in circles. Which he was thankful as he legs shook in exhaustion. The house was only about three houses away, but he couldn't find the will to get up just yet.

So instead he just relaxed and stared at the slow moving clouds. He didn't know how long he stared at the clouds lost in thought, all he knew was that he liked how relaxed he got after jogging. Truthfully, Ian couldn't remember why he gave it up...

It was only when his phone buzzed and a short _'Leaving in 10'_ text later that he got up.

After a short _'Take your time, need to shower'_ before he actually got back up and slowly started walking back home.

* * *

Things were awkward, more on Ian's side of things. He could tell that Anthony was still a little hurt from the last time they saw each other... And Ian felt awkward... because all he wanted to do was hold Anthony in his arms and tell him everything.

Instead he greeted said man with a "Sup?" instead.

for the most part Ian was able to play the normal friend mode, the only difference was instead of sitting next to Anthony while they thought of idea's, he stayed about a good foot away. And Ian wasn't going to lie, now that he was trying to get over Anthony, normal interactions were harder... Forced. Even conversation was hard for him to focus on.

And dammit, Anthony had always been handsome, but with the slight look of hurt in his eyes, he looked more handsome... More fragile. And it slightly concerned him. Never, for as long as he known Anthony had he ever seen the man look fragile. Cute, yes. Pouty, yes. Sad, yes... But... not that look. and it concerned him, and excited him and gave him hope... that maybe Ian wasn't the only one who had feeling more then friendship.

Then stupid when he realized that it was probably just because his friend for 10 years was avoiding him, and being distant. At that moment as Ian walked to the fridge and his legs burned, he craved to go running again. He wanted the burning in his lungs back.

"What about Mad Libs?" he asked as he opened the fridge. It was a random question, and it sounded stupid as it left his lip but he had wanted to do a Mad Libs skit, just never really brought up the idea before.

"It sounds like a better idea than the one we currently have." Ian gave a light laugh in return at his friends words.

Then a sigh as he grabbed two sodas "Yea, but we only have like and hour to actually write this script." Then a sigh from Anthony.

-.-.-

Later that night Ian couldn't help but close his eyes and pleasure himself as he thought of Anthony. He knew it was bad, and he knew he shouldn't do it, but he couldn't stop his hand from painfully grabbing his erection.

The hurt in Anthony's eyes, the pain behind them just excited Ian. And as his hand yet again painfully grabbed his erection he couldn't help but wonder if he really was a masochist, just the memory of Anthony, and how Ian had to restrain himself around his friend... The feeling of being helpless... Even if it was because of his own will.

It was strangely arousing. And he couldn't help but dig his nails into his sides and drag them painfully down, just pass his erection, then slowly dragging them deeper, up to his chest. Even the slight burn that was left in his legs, at that moment aroused him.

That night, even as he pleasured himself, he didn't cum. He restrained himself, for he knew when the time came, it would be that much sweeter.

* * *

**A/N-** _So what do you guys want to see happen in this story? And am I doing a good job so far? The last part is a little **odd**. But I... think it matches the idea of the story._


	4. Numb

_**A/N-** You guys ever get the feeling that Smosh, (Ian) might have read your story? Just wondering._

**_Disclaimer- I no own._**

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The second day of filming was just plan annoying, and Ian kind of wished that the day was already over. Truthfully, he was back to being annoyed at Anthony. One of the women they were using for the script was flirting with Anthony, and Anthony was keeping up the slight banter. All the while, Ian just laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling.

Anthony was always going on about 'Being self-conscious' and 'shy' but in truth he was the opposite. The man was highly aware that he was attractive. And if shy, meant the same as egotistic, then yes, he was indeed shy. The man straightened his hair every morning, and had his very own collection of hair spray and shampoos. He always got pants that fit tightly, and always took off his shirt with little to no pressure. He knew what he was doing, and he liked the attention.

When Ian first met Anthony, he had indeed been shy, his hair was always in his face, and he wouldn't raise his voice above a certain volume, almost as if his voice would strain and break. He had been modest back then; innocent. And Ian missed it. But then again back then Ian had been Anthony's own personal cheerleader back then as well.

And his hands twitched at his sides, wanting to grab a cigarette.

The sad part about it all... Anthony never returned the favor. If anything he always did something that would get a rise out of Ian, whether it be his hair, weight or other. He never listened, he never understood. And in the end, even if Ian did have a heart to heart with Anthony, said man used it against him as a form of teasing. And his hands twitched at his sides again. It was always about Anthony.

A scoff left his mouth as he realized the last 10 years of his life had been spent on building his best friends ego. All because of a stupid hope that maybe one day Anthony would suddenly fall madly in love with him.

Ian sat up then. The room seemed too crowded, it was hard to breathe and his eyes were filling with tears. And with one last look at Anthony, he left. No one noticed as he slightly stumbled out the door. Everyone was focused and laughing at his suddenly too far out of reach best friend.

Have you ever been in a room filled with friends, and still felt totally alone? Its how he felt. He felt he could have set the whole house on fire, and that no one would notice till the heat was already licking at their flesh. It was a slightly morbid thought, but it explained how he felt.

He wanted to run, every part of his body was telling him to run away, that he wouldn't be missed. Instead he went outside and sat up against the house. He wanted nothing more at that moment to be left alone. And he closed his eyes as he realized that _he_ was the only one stopping him from moving on with his own life.

But it hurt.

Ian could live with the pain, the rejection, only if it meant that he would be able to stay by Anthony's side. He wanted to be hurt, he wanted to be reminded that he was easily replaceable. He wanted to know, and he wanted the comfort to know that he could, but wouldn't be replaced.

And at that moment he wished he didn't care. He wished he could just leave, he wished he didn't care about Anthony's future and income. He wished he didn't care about how Anthony would react when he was gone. But he did care. It stung at his heart-strings and it kept him grounded.

The point was to not care anymore, but still keeping up with playing the role of the best friend, just till his heart stopped clinching his chest at the thought of leaving Anthony. He would take the pain now, take it in full, till it hurt, till he cried... till he no longer cared. Then he'd leave. No goodbyes.

So he grabbed the earth under him, closed his eyes, closed his thoughts, and just breathed. No worries, no thoughts. Just ran over the script in his mind and recited what he had to say. Played out the motions, the expressions. And most of all, he focused on removing the pain from his eyes.

And when he opened his eyes, he was a new person.

A person with a goal, a reason. And even of that goal in the end was self-destructive, he was going to go with it. He spent too much time pawning over something that would never happen. And like with wounds, he needed to take the bandage off quickly before he chickened out and left it be.

He put a smile on his face like a mask, focused on the ground as he walked, let his hands take the feel of the cold metal of the door underneath his hand. It was a weird feeling, not thinking, everything seemed more interesting, so new. His hands felt limp by his sides, and felt like his mind had strings attached to every part of his body, and that it was his brain alone that was making him move.

He felt like a man who had nothing to live for, but only living out of sheer will alone.

His smile widened as disappointment threatened to enter his eyes. Instead he laughed it off. Let his hand loosely brush said mans shoulder in a gesture that seemed comforting. Anthony looked relieved. Anthony looked liked he didn't notice that something was wrong with his best friend. Ian smile widened yet again, as pain seemed to fill his heart. Instead he laughed it off as his hands slightly clinched at his sides.

And like that, that's how he spent his day, being controlled like a puppet by no one other than himself.

* * *

_**A/N- **This chapter is beyond depressing. I have no reason as to why I wrote it. Like... it's completely off topic. Sorry._


	5. Rebellion

_**A/N-** For some reason as I look at my story 'The Truth' I shy away from it. I only have like 300 words written for a new chapter for it._

**_Disclaimer- I no own._**

* * *

Instead of running around his neighborhood like a manic, Ian decided to instead drive his car to a nearby park to jog instead. At least that way he had a reason to stay out of the house a little longer.

He jogged for a good two hours, before once again, his legs gave out from under him. And like last time, he just sat and watched the clouds.

The sky was beautiful today, it was just a little after 8:00. The weather was perfect- the sun was was hidden away with a cluster of clouds, making it not too hot but at the same having no promise of rain. It looked like a painted picture that was always changing, always caught in a moment, only to be caught in another one mere seconds later. And he found himself liking that. It gave him something to look at as he lost him self in his thoughts. It only added to his lazy attitude.

It made him think about yesterday...

Yesterday had been his breaking point. Even now he body felt numb and lethargic with mental pain and stress.

The sad part was Ian was acting like Anthony was the enemy. When Anthony was only acting and being Anthony. Ian knew this, but the little things he used to think cute and enduring about his best friend, now annoyed him to no end. The even sadder part was, Anthony had no idea what was going on... And yesterday he had been so... relived but then again... Anthony had always been a trusting fellow, with a side of ignorance.

And Ian knew he was the one acting different... And that Anthony didn't deserve the treatment that he was getting, but Ian himself was just too fucking heart broken to give a shit.

Yesterday he had been so robotic and fake, but in the end, he acted more livid and alive then he had in the past couple of months. Where he had shied away, and tended to not speak up as often.

And it leading to his sudden conclusion and realization that... he needed to stop acting like a love struck boy. Ian closed his eyes as a sigh passed his lips, and suddenly a cigarette was placed on his chapped lips. A second later, a deep inhale and soon smoke was leaving his lungs. Almost like all the bad thoughts and feeling were leaving with it.

Yesterday as everyone was included in some joke... Ian had just felt so alone, and with the sudden realization, that Anthony didn't need him... Just set his body in a panic, as the room seemed to shrink, and the air seemed to thick to swallow. And his mind had just shut down.

Everything was so fucked up. He thought that he could just easily get rid of his crush in a day, and he really did try, and it almost broke him. Another deep inhale...

His plan was having some devastating draw backs, but his plan was indeed working, at least on some level. He didn't miss Anthony today, he didn't even feel the need to call the man... But that was mainly because... He hated how heartless he now acted around said man.

Away from the man, Ian acted like a rebellious teenager, while around the man he acted like a robot. He hated to say it, but the rebellious stage was something he needed... It helped control his emotions, and it helped him remember the things he wanted to do, but never did.

He did however feel a little bad, normally they would edit the skits together, something that was hard to do considering they no longer lived together. But he brushed it off with a simple 'I just normally mess up what ever you had edited.'

And as he smoked and let the air fill his lungs he tried to think about something else rebellious to do. While the tattoo was nice as a starter, he needed to do something a little more dangerous.

He sighed as he closed his eyes and relaxed. And by the time he finished his cigarette, so he sighed and mentally said 'Fuck it' and he pulled his car keys from his pocket.

-...-

-...-

Ian found himself once again in the tattoo parlor. This time a young female with bright fake red hair, was standing before him. "What do you think I should get?" She slowly gave him a once over.

A brow lift "Do you have anything already?" Which he nodded and slightly lifted up his shirt and showed her his already started to scabbed over tattoo. "Well, if you want I can always give you hip piercings to a enhance your tattoo."

And the thought pleased him. So he agreed. And one again he found himself laying down, his pants pulled low on his hips.

"Normally I give put the piercing here" she pointed to the top of his hip "But I think it would accent your tattoo much better if I placed them...here" And Ian actually shivered as she slowly dragged her hand dangerously low. "It might be a little more painful, but I think it would be worth it..." for an added effect, she slightly pressed a finger into his tattoo "It's from Mario right?" slightly she dragged her nail "I'm supposed to eat it to active it, right?"

And he couldn't help but agree as her hand slightly ghosted over hips once more, this time with a needle. And as the pain hit Ian again, he couldn't help but feel he was wrongly seduced.

But then laughed as she asked "A nice distraction, right?"

Then he laughed again "You actually had me a little scared" he taunted back. Her brow raised in question she focused on his other hip

"Oh?" She asked. "You weren't completely seduced and unaware of the needle?" And he winched as the needle again pierced his flesh. "You probably should have gotten the red 'Full heath' here instead" she said as her once again brushed over his tattoo "And I could have given you the '1 Up!' on your ass. It has more humor that way."

And it was safe to say her tipped her well as he left.

* * *

_**A/N- **Ian thought he was gonna get him some._


	6. Determination

_**A/N-** Eh.._

**_Disclaimer- I no own._**

* * *

Even as Ian's legs felt strained and tensed he couldn't bring himself to go back to the Smosh house. Instead he found himself just sitting in his car as he tried to calm his racing thoughts.

But sitting around doing nothing wasn't helping so he pulled out his phone and slowly started writing out a bucket list. Or what could be considered one.

The first thing he really thought about was mountain climbing, since it was something Mari did and brought up on occasion. Then added sky diving, another thing Mari liked to do for fun.

Then paused as he thought instead on what Anthony and the gang always made fun of him about. Which brought up singing and dancing, mixed also with his weight and lack of skill on platform games.

And he groaned in frustration when he realized pretty much everything on his list was stuff that required a lot of focus. (And was pretty much ever thing about him)

"If I start off with the easy stuff first, maybe I can work my way in?" he questioned out loud. Then groaned again when he realized that he was backing down.

The first two, mountain climbing and sky diving he had no real idea about going to go about it, so he decided at the next GameBang to ask Mari about it. Or at least Google it later. (Not that the second one actually had to do with any of his goals)

A gym however wasn't something that needed much know how to do. So with that idea in mind he started up his car once again.

-.-.-.-.

Since his legs pretty much hurt, he spent most of his time on his arms, and abdomen. But even after his arms felt weak, and his stomach felt like it would collapse in on it's self, it wasn't enough to stop his thoughts, not enough.

So while he grabbed a bottle of water, he decided to take a look at the whiteboard and read all the ads, Boxing, Yoga, Martial arts, Rock climbing, Choreography dance. And he mentally added them to his list, as he decided he didn't really have much energy to do most of those, so picked up the yoga pamphlet, surprised to read that the gym it's self was offering the classes.

And while yoga sounded girly, it was commonly known for helping with stress. And it would give his muscles a break, and hopefully his mind as well. So pocketing the paper, he made his way to where the classes would be held. Making sure to check the pamphlet again, so he knew he wouldn't be disturbing a class.

And when he got to the door, he knocked. And the air in his lungs got stuck as a 6 foot buff man opened the door. And Ian felt his face blush as he found himself staring. "Yoga?" He choked out.

The man look amused as he leaned a hip up against the door frame. "Yea, you interested?" and Ian was very tempted to fan his face. The man couldn't even be more then 30.

He just nodded his head.

The man just smiled at him "This is the first time I've managed to make another man blush." And Ian's face heated up more "Classes start in about thirty minutes, if you want I can give you a quick run through so your not as embarrassed when class starts." then a smirk "At least I know your not a pervert who wanted to take the class to met women."

And once again Ian found himself nodding his head as he followed the man into the room. Luckily he was able to breathe again, though his pride was badly hurt.

"So... Uh," Ian gestured to the room "Will I need a mat? Or... certain clothes?" He asked confused.

"No, but lose fitting clothing is normally more preferred", he gestured to his own jogging shorts "And mats are here to be used, but most people tend to bring their own."

And Ian felt like he had the mental capability of a walrus, who should just start clapping and going 'Art art art' because he felt that was how he was acting. So he stared at the ground instead trying to recompose himself before he actually made a fool out of himself.

"You do know what else helps when stressed?"

Mission failed. "Sex?" He asked confused.

A small laugh "I was going to say tea, but I guess both work." Another laugh "I really make you that flustered huh?"

And Ian just put his hands over his face as he blushed brighter "Yes" he said, slightly laughing to ease the tension.

The guy slightly joined him, "Not to be awkward, but I really should help you learn some of the moves before the rest of the class shows up." And he chose a random mat, as he tried to copy the other mans movements, which he was sure he was failing at, as said man kept smiling at him. "Your supposed to be relaxed, the position may be a little awkward, but try to relax, OK?"

So took a deep breath and relaxed. And without his muscles tensed, his arms didn't feel as heavy, and the position actually took most of his focus, and kept his mind distracted. And slowly, one by one people started showing up.

And more then once he found the instructors eyes on his, mouthing a 'you're doing great' and Ian smiled back each time.

By the time the class ended he was actually more relaxed, and less stressed. So he waited till everyone else left before making his way back to the man. "So how often are classes?" he asked.

Said man just looked at him with a small smile "Are you flirting with me? I'll have you know, I'm married." then gave a small pout, as he lifted his hand to prove it. The Ian found himself laughing.

"I might have been slightly flirting, but I really am interested in taking more classes, I'm actually a lot less stressed."

Then loud boisterous laughter burst from the mans lips "You do remember you have a pamphlet, right?" another small laugh "But if you have any other questions I willing happily answer."

"Oh jeez, I actually did forget, but thank you, my ego has officially been deflated." They both just smiled as Ian awkwardly left the room.

He made his way back to the gym as he wondered if he should exercise more or just return home. And as his body screamed at him, he realized his choice was already set. So buying one last water, he found himself once again standing in front of the whiteboard, and grabbed the rest of the pamphlets.

Then with a loud yawn he made his way home.

And as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was done.


End file.
